What is meant by submission?
The word ‘ submission’ can be divided into two parts – ‘sub’ means underneath and ‘ mission’ means a task.
In a marriage, submission refers to the act where both the husband and wife submit to God as well as to each other.
Submission is not an act of force, it needs to be both mutual and voluntary. The concept of submission is considered essential in a relationship so that the two people can make their bond stronger by opening up to each other. Submission does not mean being obedient to someone keeping aside one’s personal needs. This is strictly not true. Submission helps two people communicate with each other more effectively while maintaining any personal boundaries that they want to.
Interpretation of submission in the Bible:
One of the most widely misinterpreted verses of the Bible is verse 23 which says wives should submit to their own husbands as well as to the Lord. Over the years, men have quoted only this verse as an excuse to show their dominance and force their authority over their wives. They have justified their abusive behaviour by quoting this verse and claimed that women should be obedient to them without question. However this is not the idea that the Bible propagates.
People often don’t quote the next verse 24 and onward which state that husbands should also love their wives just like the Son of God, Jesus loves the church. Christ chose crucifixion because of his relentless love for the church and its people.
Why submission can be scary for some people?
The concept of submission has been quite frowned upon in present days, mostly because people’s view of submission has been distorted. In the present day, people think submission will take away their rights and make them vulnerable in front of someone. What they fail to realise is that being vulnerable can be a good thing as well.
Some people stray away from the idea of submission mostly because they think it hampers their independence. There is a huge difference between being dependent and being submissive and submission in correct ways can never invade an individual’s boundaries.
Submission can be very scary for some people due to any past trauma or insecurities. It may have happened that an individual had trusted someone and opened up to them in the past only to eventually part ways with that person. That must have left them in a very bad place emotionally because the person they could open up to is no longer a part of their life. Every individual has his/ her own insecurities that prevent them from opening up to someone. The fear of being judged, the fear of abandonment and the fear of betrayal often make an individual believe that they are better off without submitting to anyone.
What can such an individual do? They should strive hard to heal their relationship with God, with oneself and establish a relationship with someone who helps them trust again. Therapy and counselling can often help such a person in feeling their emotions without being scared and heal themselves.
How submission in a relationship can be actually beneficial?
It takes a very strong person to keep aside their own needs and perceive someone else’s desires. Submission in a relationship helps two people open up and be each other’s confidant. It helps two people trust and believe in each other and aids in growing their love over time.
Submission in a relationship does not mean blind obedience or tolerance of abusive behaviour. It essentially means being sensitive to your partner’s needs.
Submission can be interpreted on various levels. For some people, it means submission to God and following all His principles. For some people it can mean mutual trust that helps build a foundation in a relationship.
For some others, it can mean equal division of duties, be it household work or finances. For some it can also mean having a person with whom they can share everything without a second thought.
Submission can be a beautiful thing if followed correctly. It involves mutual respect and love between two people and establishes an unbreakable bond between them over time.
Overview
What should be understood is that submission can be interpreted in different ways but it should in no way or form justify inequality. Submission does not mean tolerating violence or disrespect, it should not give dominance to only one person in a relationship.
When you submit in a relationship, you should not lose your voice, rather you and your partner should work together to create a safe space where both of you can live a peaceful life.